Oh My Darling
by HistoricalPrincess
Summary: Spoilers for 3x05: (What I want for M/M). Mary has a secret, she only told one person but now she will struggle to tell anyone else. How can she share such news that she previously found joy in, but now feels fear, the devastating events changing her view on things.
1. Chapter 1

**Oh my darling**

**Chapter 1/?**

* * *

**Summary:** (Contains spoilers from 3x05 & What I want from M/M) Mary has a secret and only one person knew. After the devastating events how will Mary's news that excited her now frightens her.

* * *

This was supposed to be a happy occasion, today they should have been smiling. They went to bed smiling, Sybil delivered a healthy baby girl and everything seemed fine. But to be woken up only to be told that what Doctor Clarkson had been saying all along was in fact true was horrific. Running into her parents room and waking up her mother saying that there's something wrong with Sybil was the most awful thing ever.

And now in the light of day, they are left without a sister, a daughter and a mother. Sybil Branson nee Crawley died because of that foolish doctor that thought he was far superior than Doctor Clarkson. She told Sybil the other day, she'd been so happy to tell her, to tell someone. When they'd talked about being pregnant and Sybil wondering if she was waiting for something she could no longer keep it in.  
_"I am pregnant." She whispers, that's the first time she whispered the words since she'd seen Doctor Clarkson.  
"That's so wonderful Mary" Sybil exclaims, Mary smiles at her younger sister.  
"I haven't told Matthew yet, I don't know why. I asked him to come to the nursery and I was going to tell him, really I was. But for some reason I felt like I should wait so when he asked why I'd gone to see Clarkson I told him it was for my hayfever. I mean its quite absurd." Sybil holds her sisters hand.  
"Tell him, he'll be so thrilled." Sybil whispers.  
"I know, he can't wait to have children and perhaps that's why I haven't told him yet. To keep it a secret for a while incase anything goes wrong."  
"But, not telling him is practically begging for something bad to occur. You'd want Matthew to be your support if something were to happen."  
"Well I am going to wait until you've given birth to the baby first, everyone's attention can be on you and your beautiful baby"_

And now she can't as they all sit in the drawing room, collected together in a circle mourning Sybil's death. How could she tell Matthew, her mother or anyone else that she's pregnant after what had just happened. What if it happens to her too._  
_

"Excuse me" Mary mutters as she stands up, Matthew frowns and watches as his wife's form quickly escapes the room. He follows watching as she runs outside into the cold air, an English summer leaving much to be desired. When he finds her she's sat on the bench, a place they often found each other. He can hear the sobs escaping her mouth, her head in her hands.

"Oh my darling" He whispers as he sits beside her on the bench, "I know this is a terrible tragedy but just remember that I am here for you."

"I don't pretend to be very happy with you Matthew" She mumbles gently dabbing at her face. "It was wrong what you did, talking to Murray of matters of the estate. That is something that my father should be included in and you knew that, you took the opportunity to talk to Murray when my father wouldn't be able to.

"I know, it wasn't the best time my darling. I was telling Murray some of my ideas since he was here, I do worry about the security of the estate and no one seems to listen. I wanted to see if Murray agreed with my ideas, I wasn't going to change the estate there and then."

"That's not the point Matthew, my sister died in the early hours of the morning and you're having business meetings behind my fathers back." Mary is cold as she says it, her voice monotone lacking all emotion.

"Like I said it was terrible timing, and a severe lack of judgement on my part. But I stand by what I said to Murray and what I believe, if things don't change, the way Downton is run that is, you wont have it. I invested the money into Downton for you, you convinced me that it was the best thing to do. But I need to make sure that Downton will be managed correctly if the money is to survive. I have to think of our future Mary, think of our..." He refrained from mentioning Children, he was going to but it wouldn't have been right given the circumstances.

"Children" Mary whispers, tears in her chocolate eyes. Matthew nods, "Changes may be needed Matthew, but don't trouble my father with them now. He feels incredibly guilty about Sybils death. It's so unfair Matthew." Mary cries, Matthew wraps his arms around Mary as she cries, her granny would say she's being too American, showing her emotions is something her Mama does. "She was 24 years old, it's so cruel. She told me that her ankles had swelled, but at the time no one thought anything of it besides Doctor Clarkson."

"We must cherish Sybil's memory, we must tell her daughter all about how wonderful her mother was." Matthew announces, Mary nods and leans against him.

"It doesn't feel real, its as though I am having a nightmare and all I want to do is wake up."

"With each passing day it will hurt just a little less, you will always miss Sybil but you will be able to give me one of your beautiful smiles.

* * *

Can I just say how distraught I was after watching Downton Abbey lastnight? I'd heard rumours that Sybil might die but it was presumed it was just someone Trolling. All through the episode I thought something was going to happen because of Dr Clarkson going on about Pre-eclampsia, but then Mary came downstairs to get Tom and said that everything was fine so I relaxed. But then after the adverts things went downhill and I started crying from there until the end...heartbroken, when Julian Fellows said that one of the main cast was going to die I thought it was going to be Robert, or Violet, Mrs Hughes *Breast cancer scare* My biggest worry was Matthew because Dan Stevens had yet to sign on for the next season I NEVER thought it would be Sybil :'( Heartbroken, but when Edith and Mary were talking I was screaming at the T.V HUG and they did and I was like Awe.

So, will Mary ever find the right time to tell everyone.

Reviews, Favourites and Alerts are welcomed.


	2. Chapter 2

**Oh My Darling**

**Chapter 2,**

* * *

Thank you to those of you that reviewed and to the many of you that have favourited and alerted this story.

* * *

The past couple of weeks have been slow and meaningless, nothing seems to matter as much as it once did. I lie here, in my bed with Matthews arm wrapped closely around me. Summer would soon turn to Autumn in just over a month, the leaves would go brown and fall. The fires would be lit once more and it will be the first Autumn without Sybil, we will have to endure Christmas without her, will it be too hard for us to have Christmas pudding, it was her favourite.

My stomach turns and I try to wish it away hoping the feeling would pass but only seems to get worse. I detach myself from Matthews arms, running to the toilet to empty out my stomach. Once finished I pull on the chain and dab my mouth. I walk back into the bedroom and Matthew is still fast asleep, it seems he's quite a heavy sleeper on the weekend considering that he has to work in the week. I slip back into bed, its not even light outside. My mind wont turn off because all I can think of is my fears, to me its obvious what is causing me to take trips to the toilet to empty my stomach but I am so scared.

I always thought there would be a little bit of nervousness about being pregnant and child birth but never to a point where I fear everyday that passes because it gets closer to the day I am terrified of. If I could have my own children without actually having to give birth I would be happy.

I leave the house, the servants aren't even awake. But I cannot stand the confines of the house, I dress and walk to the cemetery. I find the fresh grave I am looking for, the rain is spotting.

"Oh my darling, what am I to do? These were supposed to be most joyous days, I was supposed to look at you and Tom and your darling baby girl and marvel at the thought that soon I would have my own. But it didn't happen, if only we'd listened to Doctor Clarkson. I will never get that night out of my head, me shaking you and begging you to breathe. Why Sybil, why couldn't you just breathe. I pray you're at peace up there, you're probably conversing with the most influential women of the world and I know that you're looking down and being baby Sybil's guardian angel. But whilst you're looking out for your daughter and Tom, could you perhaps look out for me? I am so scared darling, so very scared. I know it's very American of me to admit it, and Grannie would certainly scold me for it but I do not care. "You know I don't show my emotions a lot but these past couple of weeks I have cried in front of everyone and felt no embarrassment. I worry for Mama and Papa they've barely spoken since your passing, I just hope that they will find peace as the wounds heal. I miss you my darling sister, I don't understand why you were taken from us when you were the best. But Edith and I are trying to be closer, we are trying to be there for each other." I know that Sybil always wished for me and Edith to get along better but Edith was always jealous and I used to love it so I'd taunt her for it.

When I get back to the house, I am swarmed.

"Mary, where have you been?" Matthew asks, how long had I been gone for them to feel this much worry. "Mary?" He asks again, I snap out of it and look at him.

"I went to the cemetery, I couldn't sleep" I mumble"What time is it?" Matthews eyebrows seem to shoot off his forehead.  
"Quarter past 6 darling, I woke up because I felt really cold something I haven't felt in quite a long time. It was half past 4, at first I thought perhaps you were in the library, or that you'd gone to see Baby Sybil. It never occurred to me that you'd left the house." I stare at him blankly, what is there to say to that. I wasn't in bed with him and he panicked.

"I am quite alright Matthew, I just needed some air."

Branson sits at the dining table he looks lost and alone as he fight for his rights. Sybil agreed that their child would be a Catholic the least Papa could do is respect those wishes. I had taken it upon herself to inform Papa that he was never going to win the fight.

"She's his daughter, and Sybil told me that's what they'd agreed to. Tom can't go back to Ireland, and his daughter is half Irish, he deserves to have part of his heritage in her." I argue, Papa scoffs pouring himself some Scotch.

"It's his own fault he isn't in Ireland" He mutters, I roll her eyes.

"Papa, you must respect his wishes and Sybil's. If it had been me, I would have wanted my wishes about my child to be respected, so please respect Sybil's" I'm not just saying it for Sybil's sake, but for my own. After the death of my poor sister, lost like so many women before her to childbirth, I now fear it. I know the day will come in many months, I just wonder if I will still be here to hold my child in my arms.

"But to have a Catholic grand daughter" He exclaims, I place a hand on his arm. Sybil had wanted everything to happen in Dublin where it couldn't be disputed

"She's the only thing we have left of Sybil, and Sybil wanted her to be Catholic. You've already lost Papa" I announce, Papa nods his head reluctantly.

"Why Mary? Why?" he breaks down, tears running from his eyes, I have never seen Papa shed so many tears. "How long did she get to spend with her child, 10 minutes? Half an hour at the most. It a cruel fate, and now my granddaughter will grow up without her caring and beautiful mother." I nod, my lip quivers as the overwhelming urge to sob takes over,I leave the Library heading towards the stairs I hastily walk up them and into my room. Tears escaped me as I sob on the floor, ,my darling sister gone and her child motherless and now I fear the same fate.

"Mary" I look up, Edith is stood in the doorway. We had become closer, kinder towards each other and who would have thought it. I certainly didn't. She comes and sits beside me as I cry.

"I'm scared" I whisper through my tears, she frowns.

"Scared of what?" I pluck up the courage, I have to tell someone and I feel Edith will understand it, I can't tell Mama I don't know how she would react. I don't want to tell Matthew.

"It was to be expected and I knew it and I told Sybil, when she was confined to her room we sat and talked. She asked me and I told her I was but that I hadn't told Matthew. She told me to tell him, and I told her I would wait until after the baby was born, she should have all the focus on her." I brush tears away from my face.

"What do you need to tell Matthew?" She asks, her voice is sincere and warm something that would never normally be directed at me if it was Edith.

"I'm pregnant and I was happy because I want children and Matthew wants them. But now I'm scared" I confess, Edith understands now, as she smiles at me.

"What happened to Sybil was a tragedy and people being ignorant of Doctor Clarkson. Just look at many women, look at Mama she gave birth to 3 daughters and she is still here. Just because it happened to Sybil doesn't mean it will happen to you, tell Matthew because if you are scared no matter how much I can sit here and tell you it will be okay you need him to be there for you. Why don't I go and retrieve him?" I look at her alarmed.

"Now?" I ask, she nods.

"You need to tell Matthew, I feel very honoured that you have shared this with me. Perhaps we can be friends and I shall not tell anyone that is for you to do. But in order to rest your mind you need to tell Matthew." I nod, Edith leaves my bedroom and I go and walk over to the mirror, my face is red and blotchy from my tears. I examine my figure, there are no physical changes in my appearance to suggest I am pregnant but only being 2 months pregnant. I sit on the bed and wait for Matthew. He walks in, looking at me expectantly.

"Edith told me that you had something you needed to tell me." Matthew asks, I nod and motion for him to sit which he does. I don't know why I start pacing but I feel my nerves building.

"Try not to be too hurt or disappointed in me, I've been keeping something from you" Matthew looks uncomfortable as he ingests my words. "You see, out of foolishness in the beginning and no fear I have lied to you. I told you a few weeks ago that I went to see Doctor Clarkson because of my hay fever, that was a lie. I went to confirm my suspicions that I was pregnant. And you said that you thought I'd invited you into the Nursery for another reason and I said there wasn't, I lied. I had every intention of telling you that I was pregnant, but something stopped me. I suppose I was being quite foolish but it was all so sudden and I didn't know how to feel about it. And then when Sybil was confined she said she'd been wondering if we decided to wait, I told her I was pregnant and that I hadn't told you yet." I bite my lip, I can feel the tears again "She convinced me to tell you and so I said that I would after she had the baby, I didn't want to take away from her special moment. But then things got all muddled up." Tears fall down my face, "And now, something that I felt so joyful about. You and I making a baby was suddenly replaced with an overwhelming amount fear. I am scared Matthew" He stands up and walks over to me, he holds my hands and looks me in the eye.

"Oh my darling, I promise you that I will not let anything happen to you. I'm so happy, I worried that there was something wrong with my fertility after my accident." I smile weakly, I feel terrible that he felt that way.

"I'm sorry" I cry.

"Mary darling, I understand. You were scared but you have nothing to be scared about, what happened to Sybil was a tragedy but a very rare one. I shall not happen to you" He whispers and kisses me, I pull him closer to him and rest my head in the crook of his shoulder.

"I don't want to tell the rest of the family yet, it feels wrong to celebrate something like this when we are all in mourning." His face is full of disappointment.

"I understand darling, a part of me wants to scream it at the top of my lungs but if you don't feel comfortable telling everyone then you don't have to." He responds, "I was thinking maybe we could go into Ripon, I could get the motor." Perhaps leaving this house would do some good.

"You can tell your mother if you like but she would need to keep it a secret, I really don't think my family are ready to bear such news." I decide, Isobel wouldn't tell and I know Matthew is just so happy he wants to tell everyone"

"Really darling?" He asks, a smile lighting his face.

"Of course, we could go and visit her before we go into Ripon" I suggest, he nods. "Okay, I shall fetch Anna to get my coat" Anna dresses me to go outside, of course all in black. Matthew gets the motor going and we drive around to Crawley house. Mr Molesly opens the door and lets us in,

"Mr Matthew and Lady Mary, madame"He announces to Isobel as we walk in, she smiles at us.

"Would you mind fetching some tea, Mr Molesly" He bows and leaves the room, we sit on the chair.

"So what do I owe the pleasure to this visit?" Isobel asks as she looks across at you.

"Can't we pay you the compliment of a visit without there being a reason?" I ask, she smiles at us.

"Of course you can, but I can tell that there is a reason you're here" She replies, Matthew can't seem to stop smiling. It's him that's giving us away.

"We're going to have a baby" Matthew announces proudly, Isobel smiles widely,

"Oh my dears, that's wonderful" She exclaims throwing her hands up in the air in delight.

"You mustn't tell anyone, none of the family know. We felt it best, but we thought you ought to know." Matthew announces, Isobel obviously understands as her face seems to fall slightly.

"They will still be pleased with your news"

"I am sure they would, after all. It's not just a new life its a new heir. But that's not the point, it seems wrong to celebrate my pregnancy when that is the thing that took Sybil's life just 2 weeks ago." I reason, Isobel looks lost for words as we all are. I don't know how I will ever tell them.

* * *

**Telling Matthew was the easier part for Matthew, the hardest will be Cora and Robert and she will struggle with that.**


End file.
